The Assassination of My Childhood.

1986

/ South Florida /

Me 3 at Catholic school... 

I was 11 years old, two months fresh from first communion. That afternoon, I decided to pee at the boys john on the second floor. I walked straight into the urinal and relieved myself. A  hand seized my right shoulder, another muzzled my mouth. 17 year old Raul whisked me into a toilet stall whisked out his penis and told me to suck on it or else he would beat me to a pulp. Pocket-knife in hand, he told me that he was going to fuck me. He told me to drop my pants and then brusquely bent me over the commode, stuffed a sock into my mouth and then engaged in buggery. After he finished, he zipped up and left me standing there with my pants down sticky stuff I do not know what it was dripping out of my asshole...

    1986. Age 11. The eyes speak volumes. 

To my horror, I discovered that Raul told his cousin Marcos about having had his way with me. About one week later Marcos said to me: "He fucked many at St. Joseph's", in reference to a Catholic institution for boys Raul and Marcos had  a previous association with. 

The incident was the beggining of the collapse of my faith in the Man-God Jesus of (what I later in life understood to be) Nicene Christology. Unfortunately, I discovered the existence of the Christological spectrum about 13 years later in my mid 20's. At age 11, in 1986, my cosmological understanding was based on the simple dialectical struggle between The League of Justice and The Legion of Doom in the cartoon series Challenge of the Superfriends from 1978-1979 and The Superfriends feat. The Wonder Twins from 1973-1985.

By Andrew(s) N. Moran ("Drew") a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres. Edited by Emmanuel Goldstein. 

post-script: In 1997 I discussed the incident with a gay psyquiatrist in Miami. His approach was to "not empower the trauma". He made light of the incident, by interpreting it as a positive... "so you got to have sex at 11..." This perspective served me well in subsequent years after a much more serious and prolongued involuntary entanglement with sadism. 

by Andrew Nicolas Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres)

Father Hooper.

Email written by Miguel Angel Torres explaining why he became Ex-Catholic in 1993: 

During my senior year in High School he disappeared. I asked about him. I was told that he was no longer a Catholic priest. I had developed a special relationship with him for two years. He was the one who had comforted me after the detention beating in 1991. He was a spiritual and academic counselor. Trusted him. I had come out to him. Told him that I was "lustfully aroused" by the naked bodies of other boys in the showers. He said that he understood because he shared a similar challenge with same sex attraction. 

One thing led to another.

(Cannavis became solance.)

He was 31/33. I was 16/18.

1992. Age 17. My mother refused to be photographed with me unless I removed my face piercings and covered my green-purple dyed hairdo with a hat...🫣

After he dissapeared, I looked him up and called. He told me what had happened: He went to the Bishop in [redacted] and told him that he had a crisis of faith and therefore was not confident he could perform as a spiritual guide for his students. That he struggled with same gender attraction feelings. The Bishop fired him on the spot. 

It was the final straw. 

The last words Father Hooper spoke to me: "Right now you are young, but you will come to realize that everything is defensible."

This was the reason why a year later I left Roman Catholicism.

Mvh, 

Miguel.

(C) The Order of Jude: 2011, 2024.  Andrew(s) N. Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres). Manuel Mendoza. Jaime Varela. Nicolas Ponce, Emmanuel Goldstein. 

A collaborative project. 

(automatic bondage movement autobio) ♤ 《《《

By Miguel Angel Torres (Andrew/s Nicolas Moran), edited by Emmanuel Goldstein. 

Miguel (Andrew/s) is NOT a Sadist, only someone who has survived real Sadists and who played with their benevolent BDSM parody... 

           Andrew(s) a.k.a Miguel in 2024

                    (Kongsvinger, Norge)

In the following account; some names have been changed and some details have been omitted in order to preserve confidentiality. All else is accurate as far as I remember, but keep in mind that anecdotes based on memory constitute an expression of historiographical subjectivity. 

§§§

PORNOGRAPHY IS THE FEMINISM OF THE FUTURE / Camille Paglia

Quote from Paglia: "Thus feminism blames rape on pornography and, by a smug circularity of reasoning, interprets outbreaks of sadism as a backlash to itself. But rape and sadism have been evident throughout history and, at some moment, in all cultures." 

***Watch iconic post-feminist Camille Paglia explain her views in a 2017 CBC interview HERE...

♤♤♤

               Nomad Life Journey Milestones

               >>>>The Nine Cities of My Life <<<<

                                (1976-2026)

///// 

>>> April 1999 - February 2001 <<<

/ Amsterdam /

》The Lived Experience of Gay Freedom in Youth 《

Legendary leather bar Argos closed on January 2, 2015. It was the oldest leather bar in Europe. The Argos was originally located at 22 Warmoesstraat, Amsterdam. It opened in 1957 as a guesthouse. Over the years it relocated to Warmoesstraat 95.

(it was for the most part a tourist attraction... the real action for locals was in the private parties. the argos was only a networking hub...to hook up for the parties...it was an honor to be invited...) 

On the Y2K Milleniums Eve (December 31, 1999) I was there for the first part of the festivities before going on to a Reclaim The Streets demo-rave, a warehouse progressive trance party and finally to a Break Beat after-hours that lasted until 12 noon on January 1. 

  >>>> Miguel Angel Torres (Andrew(s) Nicolas Moran) in June 1999... \\\

The party started at 22 hrs and ended at 4 in the morning on weekends, 3 in the morning on weekdays.

(... some private parties would go on for a couple of days... on December 31, 2000 - the millenniums eve that counted - i was asked first to a private party at the legendary stable master hotel nearby (Warmoesstraat #23) and from there ended up in a loft pent-house "rubber duckie" gathering where i was introduced to the dutch version of the "gay rodeo" fetish; naked 17 and 18 year olds rode on the backs of rubber-men as if they were ponies ... ) 

The 'No perfume' sign a the entrance was iconic. At the Argos men had to smell like men. BDSM fun for all ages.  The basement darkroom with its side cabins was a must.  The style of decor was what I call Leather-Queer dungeon. 

 HOME OF THE SLING

(the basement dark rooms are were I was informally inducted into proper gay fetish in 2000 - no inhibitions, let your kink loose, play and be played with...let go...)

I usually arrived on Tram 9, occassionally on Tram 4.

(one night i hooked up with a guy on #4, but i hear "the cruising tram" for gay fetish was #10... never found out for sure...) 

From "rubber duckie" (technically, it refers to the use of bathtub rubber ducks as dildoes, but not exclusively) I graduated into the hardcore spanking scene. 

 

______

 

"THE NIGHT OF SWEET REVENGE" 

July 1999

My Night in D.C. 

Dinner with Donald and his visiting Lesbian friend from London next to "The Big Table in The Back"; followed by dancing at the new gay & lesbian night club Donald told us about until 3 AM.

Jeremy was there. 

(Paid for by THE JAGUAR, with compliments from The Mayan Jaguar Deity of Fire and War - whose name is best forgotten.)

The Jaguar God of Terrestrial Fire and War ('Night Sun')

[NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: The primary Maya deities associated with both war and fire are Tohil and Buluc Chabtan. Tohil was the patron deity of the Kʼicheʼ Maya, a god of fire, war, and the sun. Buluc Chabtan is a god of battle, bloodshed, and death, often depicted setting fire to buildings and roasting people with fire. Another deity, Ah Chuy Kak, known as the "Fire Destroyer," is also a Maya god of war. (Google AI Overview).]

 

______

______

 

1999 TRANSATLANTIC CROSSINGS 

There was a second unscheduled transatlantic crossing to America from Amsterdam that July on KLM Royal Dutch Airlines Boeing 747 Sir Goeffery de Havilland. I clearly remember reading the name of the plane on the fussellage as I was about to board from the gangway at Shiphol.  I returned to Amsterdam on a Northwest Airlines DC-10-30 the next weekend. Business First Rount-Trip.

Very good food and cocktails on KLM transatlantic ! 

The first time I crossed was in April 1999 on an Air France Airbus A-330. Montreal to Amsterdam via Paris, CDG.  First Class One-Way.

Air France First Class was the most luxurious 8 1/2 hours of my life. 

We had a card game going to pass the time... 

("HAHAHA, He thinks that is luxury"... You have a point. However; I am not an hedonist as a rule , I am Epicurean with an Stoic bias. In my book, Luxury is only acceptable as an sporadic and very occassional indulgence.)

***

To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim 

// Oscar Wilde

When one man says 'No I Will Not', Rome begins to fear

// Spartacus (1960 film adaptation)

 

***

 

"ENJOY YOUR ISLAND" 

 

OCTOBER 2000. 

 

TENERIFA.

GERMAN BOY. 17.

HE TOLD ME HE HAD LIVED IN LAS PALMAS FOR ONE YEAR.

 

(WHEN HE WAS 15)

I ASKED HIM IF I COULD.

HE SAID YES.

HE LET ME.

 

I DID IT.

HE SAID HE LIKED IT.

INITIATION UNDER THE FULL MOON.

 

3 AM.

BY THE ROCKS, ON THE BEACH.

(HIS DAD FOUND OUT ABOUT IT AND BEAT HIM WITH A SHOE HORN).  

______

***

 

The background: In 1991 (at age 16), I was subjected to a pants down beating at catholic school detention. The three of us who were disciplined with a strop that afternoon received the beatings openly in the detention class to serve as examples. I was in detention that afternoon for smoking a cigarette on school grounds. The other two were there for fighting in the parking lot. Each of us got 20 hard licks with a leather belt. 

_____

 >>>> Miguel Angel Torres (Andrew Nicolas Moran) in October 2000 <<<<

In 2000, I developed an affair with one of my business school instructors in Amsterdam, his name was Aadrian. It was he whom I met at Argos that night on December 31, 2000. He just happened to be there when I arrived, it was unplanned. He asked me to stay with him, and at around 2 AM into the new millenium; I followed him to the Stable Master hotel for an after-hours with some of his Australian friends (all into the Western Bondage scene) and from there we went to a rubber duckie gathering at a pent-house loft elsewhere in Amsterdam. It was from the Australians ("We are Australian money" one of them told me) that I learned about the spanking scene . I was at a loss...why would anyone want to be caned or strapped for fun and pleasure? I told the Australians and Aadrian that I had been subjected to a very painful strapping at catholic school at age 16. Aadrian laughed and replied that his father routinely beat him NAKED with a belt from age 6 to age 16 as a form of discipline.

The leather and rubber guys who are into the spanking kink are members of "the brotherhood of the belt & paddle"; those of us who experienced the pants down treatment as boys. The kink is meant to transmute the memory and psychological impact of humiliation by turning spanking into a bondage game. Like turning the word "queer" from a pejorative to a term of pride. To be part of the brotherhood is a source of pride. A couple of weeks later, I was inducted by  one of the Australians into the Western bondage version of the kink: I was subjected to the Montana Flogging (the punishment for underage boys who stole horses in the 19th century West). The gay kink version was 20 licks of the strap followed by 20 licks of the horse whip. The historical version was a harsher 30 by 30. 

The era of the leatherbar was ended by the dating app. Grindr and Growlr killed The Argos. Progress. It is easier to meet people and hook up on an app.The gay leather bar lost its reason for existence and consequently its business. 

(no need for the bar when you can go directly from the app to the private party) 

... And Gay leather subculture ceased to exist as a postmodern urban tribe... 

(it split into specific kink niches...)

/////

Montana Flogging Experience (Rotterdam,  January 2001). 

The master was J. He was 36 at the time I was inducted. He was from Australia and into the Western bondage kink. This subculture is a subset of the gay BDSM scene particular to North America and Australia. J. sported a cowboy hat, tight Wrangler jeans and snake skin boots. Instead of a necktie, he wore a bolo. He played loud American country music when he performed his arts. In the Western bondage spanking scene they focus on the horse whip and the leather strap. But J's specialty was the Montana Flogging. Allegedly, this was the punishment for  boys under 18 who engaged in cattle rustling in Montana during the 19th and early 20th century. J. stripped me naked, had me lay flat on my stomach on a bench, bound my hands and feet with rope and stuffed a rag in my mouth, ostensibly to muzzle the screams. He went at my ass with a strap and then a horse whip that afternoon. I screamed, moaned and squirmed during the length of the beating. I took 20 licks of the strap and 20 licks of the horse whip. The pain and humiliation where overwhelming. I was 24 years old at the time. This was initiation into the Western bondage kink spanking scene...

My last spanking experience as passive took place in Stockholm during the 2006 Pride. I was  31. I spent one evening at a gay BDSM venue where the basement was a bondage playground. In the venue's lounge there was a screen featuring BDSM films. I sat on a leather couch watching next to a Swedish leatherman. He offered me poppers, stripped me naked, placed me across his knee and spanked me by hand - hard. My ass was so sore afterwards that I could not sit on the Tunnelbana (Stockholm subway) back to town... 

♤

Articles by Camille Paglia @Salon

___

(c) The Order of Jude: Andrew(s) Nicolas Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres), Manuel Mendoza, Jaime Varela, Miguel Amanda and Emmanuel Goldstein. 

A collaborative project. 

POST-PANDEMIC DREAMS

                         The July Sun 

I said: "Hejda Pojkar, tack för idag..."

The 3 Boys replied: "Tillsammans, Det var vackert..."

@ A sunny and warm July Friday on an island in lake Vänern.  

I taught them how to build a fire using a compass lens.

(3 Boys is God as a Youth)

😎😎☀️😎😎☀️😎😎☀️😎😎☀️😎😎☀️

The Victoria Tower reminded me of the 2017  Blade Runner 2049 remake. 

...I was a replicant surviving and resisting the cybernetic police...

           

           Scandic Victoria Tower @Kista

                🎥📽️📽️🎞️🎞️🎞️📽️📽️🎥

May 13-14

I was in a hotel room with double beds. J.  was there with me. He was naked. I asked if he wanted to fuck me. He said to embrace him by the waist instead. He had four arms. I thought of Vishnu (The Preserver). He told me that I need to start walking. A naked young man was sitting in a stool next to us. To the right of J. I fondled both his penis and J's. There was an infestation herpes on the young man's erect penis, I retreated my hand. He had freckles in his face, blue eyes. There was a third naked young man sitting on a stool to the left side of J., he stared at the young man with the freckles in his face, but said nothing. He was red haired with black onyx eyes.

(...God is 3 men...)

§§§

December 26 to January 7

I was asleep on my side; facing towards the wall, my back to the room. My intuitive self awoke, while my physical body slept. Then I heard footsteps outside the one room cabin. Someone entered (without opening the door), and walked to where the bunk bed I slept at was. My intuitive self "saw" him. A teenage boy about the age of 15, blond hair, blue eyes. Said his name was L****g (?) and then (in Swedish): "Tell [redacted] the Judge is dead" (berätta för [redacted] att domaren är död). I said, "I will do so friend." My intuitive self rejoined physical sleep. A dream about happier times. 

§§§

>>> // Sabbatique \\ <<<

October 31 Samhain

Ancient Germanic tribes believed that trees have souls... 

               HATE IS AN INDULGENCE. 

\\\ Rave parties where invented in the 1990's by people in their early twenties. Their aim had been to create holes in the fabric of reality through which they could disappear. Orbital Parties. \\\

...I was having tea with Marie the Dominatrix, back in Amsterdam. We talked about the men she spanked. She was telling me that her dominant girlfriend Benita was a butch leather diesel dyke...

November 27

                    SANTERIA NORDICA

Fortuna-Chango (Lady of Tarot) contextualised by Solar & Lunar Zodiac signae. Yngvi creator. Freya female principle. Oden male principle. Tyr martyr. Thor-Elegua warrior. Vidoar forest silence. . 

§§§§

SAMHAIN HOLOCAUST

Samhain, Sauin or Oíche Shamhna was an ancient Gaelic festival celebrated for 3 days and three nights beggining on 1 November. It marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter ("dark half" of the year). In the 9th Century, Pope Gregory declared October 31 All Hallows Eve, or Halloween... thus Samhain and All Hallows Eve were merged into a one day holiday. 

[Sources: Wikipedia, History Channel]

Witches, sorcerers and demons were said to gather for a Sabbat on the eve of Samhain All Hallows at 3 AM.

Matthew 4:8-9

...King Asmodeus version of the Unholy Scriptures... 

8 "Finally, The Devil took Jesus to a very high mountain. He showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. 9 “If you [kneel before my butt] and [rim me arse],” he said, “I will give you all this..."

Sabbat: In mediæval demonology, the nocturnal (3 AM) assembly in which demons and sorcerers were thought to celebrate their orgies.

§§§

October 20. 3:43 AM. Helheim.

It was the summer of 2009. I was with Rasmus, he who said "there is no action in Sweden" when he left me to move back to LA six months later. We stood on the shore of lake Vänern. Bright Juli sun. I was holding him in my arms. I said "you are mine". Then I noticed a bright red blood flow coming out of his right ear...it reminded me of castration with a sharp blade.  

Revenge, envy, greed and egoism are indulgences that have to be paid for. There is no way around having to pay for indulgences. The deterninistic nature of this law is as draconian as is the case with THE LAW OF DEVOTION (the Western occult counterpart to the Law of Karma as contextualized by Samsara). 

This is why Martin Luther stood against the sale indulgences and why Mahatma Ghandi stated that "an eye for an eye makes everyone blind..." The syncrétisme Mormon-Arian Jesus that I follow was adamant about forgiveness as a form of positive impunity... 

Sadly, the end result of Forgive & Forget is Regret...because they will not appreciate it or reciprocate with restitution. 

But yeah; revenge is an indulgence. 

The Global Tower Moment is inevitable. 

          BETWEEN SAMHAIN AND YULE

                         (Numerology) 

               2024-11-19   8/2/1  11/22

                      NOVEMBER 19TH

                             (Astrology) 

  /// Capricorn moves from Pluto to Aquarius ///

...ONLY THE FATHER KNOWS THE DAY AND THE HOUR SAID THE CHRIST... 

§§§

October 13

The evening before I had been watching the film Azrael (2024). A non confessional psych-horror take on Left Behind and the birth of The Devil on Earth in the years after The Rapture.

                     

                          AZRAEL (2024)

§§§

October 10

"In the dream I was back at the student pub... It was the decor from Våren '22. It was crowded. Come As You Are by Nirvana. LOUD. People were smoking from Turkish pipes. Hashish?  We were standing. He had emerald green eyes. Mid-20's? He reminded me of Diego. He pinched my ass. I grabbed his crotch. He smiled and said "endast för tjejerna... but you can lick my arse."

Anilingus: How to Eat Ass. 

                CIRCLE OF ANILINGUS. 

            The mysteries of rimming... 

A contributor to this weblog has been inducted into Alchemy in October 2000, into Norse Shamanism in September of 2021 and into The Church of Satan in September 2024 through the performance of a type of Auroboreal Anilingus involving four Tantric positions, as exposed in the homosexual Kama Sutra. 

***WARNING: Rimming is NOT something one does with everybody. Be careful with STI's. 

§§§§

October 11

An erect penis. 

A sharp blade. 

Castration! 

A gusher of DARK RED BLOOD. 

...A portent of the Global Tower Moment omen... 

[***In Tarotism and Cartomancy the concept of the Global Tower Moment is associated with The Christian Apocalypse and the Norse Rägnarok.]

§§§§

September 30 

... Enveloped by a grey mist. They stood before me with their eyes closed. An Afghan, an Iraqi, a North African, a Yugoslavian. One of them mouthed the word "refouled"... Yusuf is among them. He walks with them at ˈTuo̯nelɑ...

By the river of Tuonela (Tuonelan joella) by Akseli Gallen-Kallela, 1903. Wikipedia.

Tuonela, Tuoni, Manala: (Finnish: ˈtuo̯nelɑ) The land of the dead or the Underworld in pre-Christian Finnish mythology. The dead walk in Tuonela as shadow-like ghosts. Tuoni, god of the dead, and his wife Tuonetar are the rulers of Tuonela.The dead must cross the river Tuoni to enter, either by a thread bridge, swimming, or taking a boat piloted by the daughter of Tuoni. The river is guarded by a black swan that sings death spells. Like the Norse Helheim; Tuonela is located North and Shamans can visit it to gather knowledge of spells. The journey of the Shaman required a trip through dangerous aetheteal woods (similar to Helvgr), and the defeat of the monster Surma, a flesh-tearing monster that works for the goddess of decay, Kalma. 

§§§

September 24 

       Not in "1991" but in 1902.

§§ Tarot: 9 of Swords: The Lord of Cruelty §§

>>> source of Tarot image: Wikipedia, you can purchase a copy of the U. S. Games Rider-Waite Tarot deck HERE <<<

The dream sequence: I was back in Amsterdam, at the Argos. I was making my way to the darkroom basement. Then inside the dream I relieved a memory. That night when I was a begginner in June 1999. A leather skinhead sporting pink doc martens claimed me (boot-in-crotch style) and whisked me away into the darkness to have his way with me... except that in the dream the Argos darkroom dissolved and I emerged at the assembly of horse farm stable boys during the original fin de siècle. HA! HA! HA!...the real flogging took place there... I heard the voice of Aadrian K.: "It was not about the pain, it was about the humiliation..." I awoke bewildered. 

§§§§

Dreams of September 11 to 15, 2024

(Helheim-Tuonela) 

I heard my mother's voice very clearly: 

"Te quedan dos meses nada mas..."

Sweden said to me: "You burned our crops..." 

I replied to Sweden: "You burned my books..."

§§§§

Dream of September 1, 2024

(Nidaros Område, Norge) 

I was inside RS. Shades down. A knock on the door. It was A. L. He had several boxes of food and supplies to deliver to me. I said: "It was your fault, you are the one who gave me the radio and the phone." Then Jonas appeared as he looked back in 2010 (but I called him Rasmus). He was bewildered and looked traumatised. 

§§§§

Dream of July 14, 2024

(Lofoten, Norge) 

I was sitting on the porch balcony at RS. I said to A. L. : "I will wait until the electricity comes back". A. L. replied: "nothing is coming back".

§§§§

Dream of May 9, 2023

(Åstorp, Sweden) 

2 YEARS.

ENERGY.

Western Doom.

18 Months. 

§§§§

Dream of October 22, 2022

(Uppsala, Sweden) 

An old scout knive stuck in a molehill.

An old psychotic man.

Three dogs on a leash.

An enclosed garden.

§§§§

Dream of February 7, 2022

(Halmstad, Sweden) 

My mother was sitting at the wheel of a 50s vintage car. One hand on the wheel and one hand on the seat upholstery. She was talking to me. All of the suddent she became silent and seemingly fell asleep. I yelled at her to wake up. I ran to the other side of the car, opened the passenger door and shook her. I realised that she was dead.

Then out of my right side; a car appeared advancing at top speed and hit me. I died.

I found myself standing, looking at my mother sitting at the drivers seat of the 50s vintage car. She was alive and smiling.

In death I wore shades. 

_____

https://deadmanjournal2.blogspot.com/p/dream-transcripts.html

(C) 2011, 2024, 2025.  Andrew Nicolas Moran, (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres). Manuel Mendoza. Jaime Varela. Nicolas Ponce. Emmanuel Goldstein. 

charlie cum inside me

Scribbled by Andrew Nicolas Moran ( a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres)

***///(encore en fois)///

1996ish

Twist

South Beach, Miami

Upstairs dancefloor...

...by the sea balcony

with John & Aaron

danced
laughed
loved 

We were 21

______

https://youtu.be/qz2bOXLEvuE

______

🤗 I am glad to discover that after 30 years the groove continues at Twist.. 

😎👍

by Andrew Nicolas Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres)

Alembic Notes

In March of 2022 I fell into destitution. This was an effect of leaving Jehovah Witnesses. This happens to everyone who leaves the cult. I was forced to walk a very long distance in order to access a soup kitchen. It was a very painful ordeal because of nerve damage on my right leg.  An Equmeniakyrkan congregation listened to a request for help when I asked and with their help I was able to get back on top on my own steam and by April 22 all was well again. 

Undocumented life for a partially disabled person is a living hell. 

These were my thoughts as I soldiered on during those long, painful walks... 

______

I embrace paradox

(the cat is both dead and alive before you open the box (wave collapse) and only then) 

truth without logic

(pseudo community is part of the spectacle) 

trotskyism is liberation theology

(focusing on theory is idealist, not materialist) 

Native American genocide: 18 million

Hitler's Holocaust: 6-8 million Jews

Stalinism: 10 million (Holodomor & CPSU-Red Army purges)

(trans women are women if they want 2 b

trans men are men too if they want 2 b

- but only genderqueer are authentic non binary...) 

undocumented workers are workers

(maduro betrayed the Bolivarian revolution)

(C) 2011, 2024.  Andrew Nicolas Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres). Manuel Mendoza. Jaime Varela. Nicolas Ponce, Emmanuel Goldstein. 

//_post_fordist_metaphysics_//

A selection of classic Late Cold War, Unipolar Moment and Early Late Imperial Western Science Fiction films which explore metaphysical concepts from a pre-metamodern, post-fordist perspective... 

>>> Gattaca (1997)  Unipolar Moment film. Can determination and craft defeat a system that is rigged against you?  §§§

>>> Terminator (1984) Late Cold War film. A tale of survival, evasion and resistance against a relentless cybernetic assasin.

§§§

>>> Terminator Salvation (2009) Unipolar Moment film. The war of human resistance against the cybernetic SkyNet AI guided effort to eliminate humanity.

§§§

>>> The Island (2005) Unipolar moment classic. Escape and survival from a system of sophisticated deception.

§§§

>>> The Matrix (1999) The definitive film of Western Unipolar Moment SciFi. The trauma of emergence from a simulated virtual world into reality.  >>> post-Metamodern sequel  >>>        Matrix Resurrections (2021) Western Late Imperial film. Tragedy or farce? PERFECT=FAKE. Reboots Sell. A metamodern reworking of the 1999 classic: Choice as an illusion in a modal of deterministic virtual reality.

§§§

>>> The Triangle (2009) Early Late Imperial Western psy-horror. Ordeal of sisyphus or the Naraka of no interval? You decide.  *** Do not read any reviews of this film before you watch it or you will miss the point...  [See also: Avīci Naraka, the Tibetan Buddhist hell of no waves and no intervals...]

§§§

>>> Minority Report (2002) Unipolar moment classic. Pre-Crime is not as predetermined as it appears...free will posits alternate possibilities.

§§§ 

>>> Vanilla Sky (2001) Unipolar Moment film. Nightmares while uncouncious inside a cryogenics chamber.  _____ Mini-reviews by Andrew Nicolas Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres) and Emmanuel Goldstein.

// Ex Umbra ad Lucem: Experiences During The Summer of 2011 //

Becoming a Son of Adam

June 22 (Midsummer)

only the fall of god would pay for the fall of man, said lucifer. absolute power justifies itself in absolute terms, replied god. / June 25th, 2011

Today I experienced laughter. The Sun (fire), The Wind, The Water, The Rocks (earth); and I like adam before (with) them. the ö is a section of eden that time forgot. The Totem is the sign. 

June 28th / 8:02

all ready to go to the ö. to become like adam in paradise.

kl 12:55 bathed in the manner of adam. looked for a stick to build a shelter with. decided to just use the stones. they call it ''all man's right''; as long as you do not disturb the nature.

15:17 the tarp and rocks ''rain shelter'' is an actual example of future primitive.

17:25 The ö is now deserted. i am now alone and free to become like adam in paradise. the afternoon is mystical, the sjön like a silver pond stretching out towards infinity. it is humid. looking forward to the stars at night..and the conjuration.

18:57 at the end of the day... i am  sunburnt from head to toe. ran like adam through the forest. bathed again. collected a vandring staff.

22:30 found a public bastun by the boat pier on the northwest side of the ö. got it as hot as a turkish bath. purged all the dead skin off. now i sit by the sea shore. it looks like an endless plain of liquid silver. still as a millpond. got to watch the mygga och knotter clouds... they hover.

June 29th

12:40 went looking for the dass. found a smoke. the hour of shadows.

managed to conjure. hiked back to the camp in the manner of adam. only one star in the firmament; perhaps Venus.

6:30 woke up with the bright sun and wind. the silver mild pond is gone, it was shattered by the waves. now there is a raging dark green-blue sea.

9:30 the fauna at the ö consists of insects, avians and reptiles. large ant colonies, mygga clouds, wasps, Sverige's storsta spindel species bor här; ducks, birds, and snakes (suggesing rodents). there are a number of micro organism colonies along the shore (living foam).

14:35 not sunburnt, more like sun toasted. as good as if i was in a greek or caribbean ö... to think that paradise was so close all this time. the water is cool and refreshing. looking forward to the bastu this evening.

16:14 went exploring for altenate bathing places. found a perfect rock formation near the path that leads to the main pier. tomorrow i stop there on my way home. the water has become calm again. green algae spores cover the waters near the beach. that explains the living foam. the micro organism colonies feed on the spores.

19:00 totem tarot: i asked what message the spirits of the totem had for me about my future. utilised the egyptian deck. ace of cups. the world. seven of chalices. the sjön is now amber green. millions of algae spores have been washed ashore.

June 30

0:27 met a man in the bastun named p. åke. we were as adam. he offered me beer, we basta och badar. he came on a fishing boat...bad luck to basta alone he said. he gave me a flash light to help me get back in the dark. he said he might be gone in two hours or four.

07:40 windstorm last night. had to adjust the stones to keep the tarp shelter in place. it worked like a charm. the waves where angry...but the wind kept the mygga clouds inland. i slept well. woke up to the sun. decamped. clouds in the firmament. the sunny weather streak is coming to an end. coffee and a cigarette for breakfast. beer hangover.

July 8th, 2011.  back home. rainstorm last night. after decamping yesterday met P. Åke. he asked me to go fishing with him on his boat. we went far out into the sjön. stayed out until the late afternoon. drank beers while we waited for the fish to catch. caught two perches. bathed naked in 81 meter deep waters. the feeling of Zero-G... we then zoomed to Lövnass. returned home at about 21 hrs. on the way in we raced past a sail boat.

July 9, 2011 Pride Day. Dancing Parade. Beautiful SUNNY July day. ''It's raining men''. MARIUS... (of all people)... Omen: A BLACK BIRD Eating Freedom Fries.

Per M. came by in the evening. We bathed by the båtbuss pier. He told me he is going on holiday to Rumania. afterwards we watched the film "Triangle''... new horror; about a version of hell where trying to ''break the pattern'' is part of the pattern.

Avici Naraka. 

July 11, 2011 Watched Jaccob's Ladder. ''The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that will not let go of life; your memories and attachments...''

July 18th, 2011 Returned to Glada Ankan. Drank beers and danced. It was body to body. Home spun Electro-House.

July 27, 2011 Realised that consistent application of abstract principle is impossible due to the influence of chaos and relativity. This fact implies paradox for theology, ethics and politics.

p.s. July 28th / There is only chaos and perspective; all else is lies, misconception, or wishful thinking.

July 30th, 2011 "Private fest" i Glada Ankan på onsdag. It was an informal reunion of the Club Maricon and Restaurang K-7 crowd (the Karlstad gay-lesbian scene are a nomadic bunch; before Glada Ankan it was Harris on Wednesdays). Met a young man who offered me 100 grams of hash in exchange for helping him develop a business plan. Danced with the RFSL lesbians. Got tipsy on cheap Czech beer.

Yesterday (a very warm day) went on a hike to Räggårdsviken. 13.7 km both ways along Bonäsleden. Hiked it like Adam for about two km. Bathed. Olov came by with the business cards. He also let me borrow a bunch of DVD's. Looking forward to watching Svensk drama...

August 3rd, 2011 Just found out that Doña Elsa died of cancer on Friday. She passed away in her apartment in Skoghall. Don Pedro was at her side. Death seems to be in the air. A couple of days ago a lone gunman with a predilection for the politics of the far right massacred 93 people with a semiautomatic weapon somewhere outside Oslo...and the cloudy, rainy weather continues. 

Not a happy August so far.

August 5th, 2011 Anders A. from the hemgroup came by yesterday evening to watch films. We watched Leonardo Di Caprio's "Shutter Island''. A mind twister where the end is undefined. After the main event we stayed up for a couple of hours and discussed theology and chaos.

Anders argued that Jesus was aware that abstract principle cannot be perfectly applied due to the influence of chaos and relativity; ergo: grace. What matters is to aim for the achievement of principles, not their perfect application.

Realised that 93 plus one makes 94 and that 94 reduces to 13, the number of DEATH in the Tarot. 13 reduces itself to FOUR (the number of Michael the Archangel, Cain and Judas Iscariot). As predicted THE BLACK CAT showed up before DEATH made its appearance.

Not only can I summon DEATH, in its wake come to me the transfigured Akh's of those who have crossed the barrier between the eternal paradox of existence inside infinity (the time space multiverse) and the eternal cosmos of eternity. I have met Johnny. They now join the congragation of the hidden chapel. Johnny sought me, even though I was the one who conjured. Synchronicity.

Johnny is a descendant of Ynge. 

(...I was told that God wished for me to die...)

August 8th, 2011 Went for a midnight swim at the Båtbuss pier. A group of naked teenage boys where there skinny dipping. Dunking into the lake. A midnight bath during a warm summer night works wonders on insomnia. In the firmament the stars, noticed the seven heavenly powers.

p.s. spent most of the morning into the early afternoon at Kråkudden. Tanned and bathed in the manner of Adam. The sun was bright on a clear blue sky, it was a warm 26C.

August 11th, 2011 Returned to Hammarsudde today. Yesterday afternoon A. and A. came by to grill. It was nice to catch up with them. Showed them the photos from Vastra Långholmen.

p.s. Realised that Leon Trotsky was correct about one thing: It all boils down to Hunger, Sex and Death.

August 15th / Last night I dreamt of an encounter with the Utöya dead. A (female) voice: ''have you heard the news that america is dying ?''

9:00 Decided to just take my clothes off and jump into the water from the pier at Lövnäss, while waiting for the båtbuss. Perfect hiking weather. Javerön awaits.

12:48 made it to the first shelter just in time before the summer rain. hiked the trail nude for about 3km. bathed. the sky is cloudy but the air and the water are warm. a completely different nature experience compared to june...

16:32 got to the shelter past våstra bredviken and scouted the informal path to längviksudden. all just in time before the storm hit. as i write this the sjön rages, the warm wind howls as the waves hammer the rocks.

21:02 went for a night swim in the sjön. the storm is past, the humid air is warm. a moment of silver twilight.

p.s. the price of freedom is loneliness; the price of togetherness is bondage.

August 16th / 8:00 woke up to the sound of silence. the sky is cloudy but the sea is calm, the wind died out. it is surprinsingly warm. i am now all packed and ready to move on. the informal path to längviksudden breaks off from the marked path a few meters south of the wind shelter. all i have to do is follow the shore until i hit the southern tip of the ö.

12:07 spent the whole morning at längviksudden. the sun burst through the clouds at about nine, only a few minutes after i got here. bathed and tanned nude. this spot is truly magikal. a sliver of rocks on the edge of the deep forest. had to hike about 30 minutes off path before finding it. but it was well worth it. the water is warm and clear. (lots of ants)

13:08 hiked back to the windshelter at båckviken. short cut through the bike path. on the way met three other hikers. lost. showed them the way back to the pier. the weather has turned warm and humid. ''cloudy sunny''.

14:35 made it to the pier just in time to catch the 15:15 båtbuss. power hiked through the forest. the lost hikers made it allright. met them there. shared a smoke.




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(C) 2011, 2024.  Andrew Nicolas Moran (a.k.a Miguel Angel Torres). Manuel Mendoza. Jaime Varela. Nicolas Ponce, Emmanuel Goldstein.